Suggested song pairing for this blog post: I Was Here by Beyoncé
My life journey has taught me that power can be used for good, for harm, and for healing. And I have come to an understanding that all forms are necessary for our evolution toward a more conscious, more compassionate existence.
Growing up in the Midwest of America, I, like many, quickly learned to fit into the mold sculpted by my elders and the greater society. At a young age, I learned to heed their warnings with diligence…if you don’t do a, b, and c, you will not have x, y, and z.
So off I went to a top-notch university to get my ticket to a happy, successful life. What unfolded in that new space of freedom was uncertainty, confusion, and a deep desire for the truth I once knew… The truth that I came to this lifetime with a joyful, eager heart, and with a worthy purpose much greater than I could fathom alone.
This desire for my truth, although hidden from my conscious understanding, propelled me onto a divided path. On the one side, I pursued those tangible things meant to bring me success, security, and happiness: a teaching degree, a ten-year career in the industry of overnight camp for children, a real estate license, a bookkeeping certification, and then another degree, in Accounting.
At the same time, my heart was yearning for a different path. Years of being ignored and shoved aside by my mind, my intellect, my pursuit of “happiness,” left my heart with no other choice than to speak up through the only language it knows, the language of emotions. Its message came in the form of a deep depression which affected every aspect of my life – my health, my relationships, my finances, my career, and my precious family.
A deep desire for relief from this pain catapulted me onto a journey of inner exploration. That journey led me first to the mainstream, conventional treatments of psychotherapy, counseling and eventually pharmaceutical medication. These methods worked to ease my depression, and I was able to get back on the course of pursuing happiness again, picking up where I left off on my path of additional education and a more financially rewarding career.
However, those things that once brought me a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment no longer did. I wasn’t feeling so sad anymore, but I wasn’t feeling happy either. Deep inside, my heart was still telling me that there had to be something more, something that would feed not only my intellect and ego but something that would also feed my soul.
In this place of yearning for more, a series of serendipitous events led me to a body of work called The Numerology of Moses. It sparked a flame in me that led me on a new path of inner exploration, and ultimately on a journey toward a greater sense of fulfillment, peace, and joy. I came to realize that the thing that feeds my soul is helping others find the same in themselves.