How I Found Control

Suggested song pairing for this blog post: It's Alright by Fractures


I could say I found a magical burst of conviction and declared, “I’m ready to get off the meds!” But that’s not how it happened. It happened much more gradually, much more quietly. Some days, I questioned if it was happening at all. Some days, the self-help gurus on YouTube made total sense to me. “Just focus on what you want,” they say, “it’s that simple!” “Surrender, ask the Universe for instructions, meditate, pray, listen.”

“I can do this!” I’d say to myself, “I’m strong!  I’m capable.”

But then doubt, guilt and shame would inevitably find their way in.

“Who do you think you are Jessie? You can’t just live in the clouds and think your way out of this!  You have a chemical imbalance in your body, only chemicals can fix that!”

Still, I was fixated on...

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