Suggested song pairing for this blog post: Sweet Architect by Emeli Sandé
I started curled in a ball on the blue carpet, in the little space between the end of my bed and the cherry wood dresser. It was just enough space for my little body to squeeze all the tears out – for my vocal cords to vibrate with frustration, anger and protest.
Who was I yelling at? Myself? My mother? My father? My husband, who??
My older sister, my younger brother, my precious children?
I went down the list…no one stuck, so I just kept yelling. I began yelling at life itself. Yelling at the lies, the facades I felt all around me. Yelling at the empty promises, the rules I followed, the disappointments I felt.
My vocal chords began to raw, but I cried until I was empty. Then I crawled in bed and went to sleep. When I awoke, my eyes could barely open, puffy from my tantrum. My head was a big grey cloud. I felt useless, defeated, ashamed and exhausted. Where was I...